This is the last post in response to Brian’s original question, but also the beginning of a new series. I think this post opens up a whole new can of worms that should really be answered, but let’s address this question first and then tackle the others.
Rob first what does it look like to “give yourself wholeheartedly” to what you believe?
I’m going to slightly modify the question because the benefit of giving yourself wholeheartedly is not seen, but felt. It might sound a little pedantic and I think it was written more as a figure of speech, but it is a critical distinction. The benefits of giving yourself wholly, or living joyfully, are not primarily physical, but emotional.
Life is to be consumed like a culinary delight. Yet to taste and enjoy life, like tasting a wonderful meal is not understood by being seen, but by it’s taste.
Many people study that which they can observe from others and recommend that we all do X. You get news articles like this, everywhere now. Studies show that more people who exercise/go to church/drink wine/morris dance etc are happier therefore Psychologist Joe Bloggs says we should all morris dance while drinking wine in church.
It’s over-simplified and primitive. You cannot just observe someone’s behaviours and actions, you have to analyse why they work, which gets deep to the core of the person’s psychological structure and then understand what is translatable into someone else’s situation.
To address the question, we must first consider what it is to live?
Medically, we consider living to be the presence of a beating heart. I would consider that to be existing though.
Let me explain my view of what it is to live.
Everything in the world, the planet earth, the people on it, social structures and so on, operates within the concept of time. It is born. It dies. And in between is it’s existence. So if we imagine it’s path of life to be the path from birth to death like a line.
Now wherever we meet situations and other people it is where our paths cross. So it looks a little like the diagram below. Although each real life situation would be the intersection between every person and factor involved.
Now what happens to all of us, to some degree is that we get swayed from our path. Sometimes through fear and doubt. Other times through greed and ambition. But once we do we fall into a limbo like land where we lose our sense of self. Though we may gain the rewards of the world, we have lost ourselves and so the vehicle through which we can taste the world.
If you look at the glossy magazines you can see example after example of Celebrities who have lost all sight of what is really important to them in the pursuit of money, fame and power. Week after week, their tumble into limbo is documented as they chase physical symbols to supply their emotional cravings.
Life: The Greatest Game Of All
Games need a context in order to be enjoyed. Call of Duty or Snakes and Ladders wouldn’t be any fun without the context they are in. Simply clicking a mouse or rolling a dice without the images to give the moves meaning would be very boring.
Likewise we enter a world that has a whole history of events as a background to give meaning to the decisions and actions that we take. And just as you can play any game half-heartedly, with one eye on the telly, you can live half-heartedly. But any game or action taken less than wholeheartedly will lack meaning and so feel boring.
And so will life.
But to engross yourself in the game, to make it’s nuances real to you, is to bring the game to life, to make it meaningful and intensely enjoyable. When people find a context in which they can do this, they will travel the world to attend Star Trek conventions, they will invest fortunes in golf, shooting, fishing, horse-riding or boating equipment, they will spend hours delighted to share their perspectives on the smallest of details that seem to others to be boring or even ridiculous. But only because they do not see what the other sees in the same vivid detail.
I believe the greatest game is Life.
To live wholeheartedly is to play the game of life. The game of life is to meet the situations you face, which all conflict, and decide where you stand and what you believe is the right way forward.
Not what will bring you the most approval, love, financial reward or what is easiest, most expedient or least effort. But the way forward that is right to you.
It is to give that perspective, voice and discernment, which is uniquely you to the world. In this sense your participation in life is a gift. And without giving, you cannot truly live. You can exist, but it is as fulfilling as playing a game half-heartedly.
Your Value In The World Is Determined By Your Purity
Purity is always valued. Purity in gold, in food, in knowledge, in anything is always the rarest and hence most valuable form. Since the pure version is scarce we get diluted and cheap versions for the masses.
There are really two versions of you. There is that which is purely you. Uncontaminated by the influences and pressures of the world. This is the version of You when you are at your absolute perfect best. The You that is wise, loving, calm, tolerant, patient and radiant.
Then there is the You that lives among the hustle and the bustle. The You that fears for it’s survival. The You that fears not being liked, loved and respected. The conflicted, tortured and human You that has really become a watered down caricature of your pure essence.
To give yourself wholeheartedly is to live in the world as the pure You. To remain true to yourself in spite of every worldy influence and pressure to change who and what you are.
It is to be in the world, but not of it.
The world will naturally pressurise you to fit into it. For the world has never known you and therefore it was not designed to accommodate you. So there is a continual conflict between you and the world.
Do you to adapt to it or must it expand to include you?
We are taught from birth that it is us, that should compromise and adapt. But when we conform and adapt, the world gains nothing. It does not progress, expand or improve. The world is enriched and improved by those of our Ancestors who have refused to be broken by the world and have left their legacy imprinted on the world.
Anything less than the pure expression of You, is to hedge your bets and live in a conflicted state. Hence why Buddhists say, all of life is suffering.
Life Is A Continual Journey
Living is in many ways analogous to driving. Life at it’s essence, is a journey to a continually changing destination. There is always somewhere else to get to. I’m here, but want to be there. It is a continual journey.
Now when you drive in your car in a busy city at rush hour, you might be lucky to move 10 yards in 5 minutes. It’s irritating. You don’t feel as though you are getting anywhere. You feel claustrophobic. Hemmed in and everything frustrates you.
When you drive on a wide open road, well out of the way of speed cops, it feels exhilarating. You can put your foot down as much as you like and the only limit is what speed you personally feel comfortable with. You never have to brake. Nothing can stop you. The wind flows against your skin. The stereo is blaring. You are free and moving towards where you want to be.
photo credit: WTL photos
Likewise, it feels great to be productive and moving towards the things and states you want to have. But it sucks to feel stuck and blocked from your goals.
Happiness Is The Freedom To Be.
Every form of stress, frustration, depression and angst, stems from fear. Fear is the brake on how fast you consume life. Excitement is the accelerator of your experience.
To give yourself wholeheartedly to what you believe, is to transcend fear. It is to head out onto your path without braking. To be free of the man made limitations, inhibitions and constraints.
It is to be you. To say what you feel. To do what feels right. Without doubt. Without equivocation. Without fear and insecurity. It is to live without anxiety. Without boredom. And without second guessing yourself. Just in perfect integrity and congruence between what you think, feel and do.
Right now as you read this, there are things that you want. Big goals and lesser goals. The only thing holding you apart from all those things that you want, are fears and doubts in your own operating system that inhibit you from really going for it.
Think about it. Anything you want, someone, somewhere has achieved.
- A loving relationship.
- A rewarding career.
- Financial success.
- Perfect health.
So it is achievable also for you. There is a direct path from where you are to where you want to be (though you may not be aware of it). However, there are two possible obstacles to you achieving them.
The Two Blocks To What You Want
One is that you lack the resources to obtain it. There is a something on the path blocking you from passing it.
You lack the knowledge or the skills to enter the race. For example, if you want to be a Surgeon, you have to train in the technical skills. These skills are learnable and your apprenticeship is the price of entry.
The most common problem though, is… self-sabotage.
- You want to lose weight, but you can’t resist food and can’t get yourself to exercise.
- You want a relationship to work, but you can’t stop being so jealous and possessive.
- You want to have a better social life, but you’re so afraid of rejection that you never suggest going out to potential friends.
Life is really a blank slate. Anything is possible. Anything can happen.
But when you are so riddled with conflicts that push and pull on every desire, you get nowhere. You take one step forward and get pulled two steps back. Every part of life, that you don’t enjoy, anxiety, depression, frustration and so on, is rooted in internal conflict. Your internal angst works like a dog being tied on a leash. Held back from straying too far. Yet just out of reach is you heart’s desire.
photo credit: quinn.anya
Excitement for the goal accelerates you towards it, but fear brakes and slows down your progress.
So often, we end up almost paralysed in a limbo state. Taking much longer to get there or never quite reaching the promised land. All because of our own conflicting thoughts and feelings.
Share Who You Are Right Now
So do you agree with my response to Brian’s question? Share your thoughts below.
If it is ourselves that sabotage our own success and happiness, then we should identify the ways that we do this. I have a few listed and ready to share in the next few posts, but I’m sure there’s more ways that you can think that I have missed. List them below and maybe we can focus on them individually and begin to loosen the leash.
